When Love Hurts

Closure and healing are essential for moving beyond a toxic relationship. But is it possible when they continue to impact your life?

Obtaining closure and healing from a toxic relationship is challenging but ultimately empowering.

Closure begins with acknowledging that the relationship has run its course. This involves accepting the situation, letting go of any lingering feelings, and recognizing that the relationship is not healthy.

Feelings after the Breakup

Lets put your ex aside for the moment. It doesn’t matter if he is still bothering you, or has ghosted you. Your main focus is on you, and what you need to obtain closure.

Love, even if its painful, will keep us in unhealthy relationships passed their due date. Coming out of a relationship you still feel that pull, that familiar pain. You want your ex to come back into your life to dull the feelings you are experiencing. Life without them is strange and lonely like white noise which has been turned up too loud. If only they would change and be the person you know they can be. The one that is caring and loving. You can forgive and move on.

Time to Awaken

Just like waking up from a great night out where you perhaps made some regretful decisions. Its time to analysis what truly happened in your relationship and piece together the true story.

Right now you are muddled, confused, upset and lonely. But not for long. Just like a hangover, this feeling will pass. But how it passes is up to you. Just like any budding alcoholic choosing whether to continue drinking or sobering up, you have a choice as well. Continue with the relationship, hope for the best the next time around, or find healing.

Choosing to heal is incredible difficult if you haven’t chosen yourself in a very long time. So how do you keep putting yourself first when this is so foreign?

Just like an addict, it takes consistency, time and some trusted techniques.

Taking the First Step

By agreeing to move on you already know, deep down, that the relationship is unhealthy. But how can you keep yourself on this painful path to healing?

Acknowledge and research toxic relationships. Understand patterns, the abuse cycle, manipulative techniques and what is deemed abuse.

Researching and learning about your relationship will go along way to clearing the fog in your mind. You’ll understand you wasn’t responsible for how he treated you, the split, or the abuse in the relationship.

One of the most painful aspect of healing is understanding what happened. The more you learn, the more you are likely to cry. You are not broken, you are understanding and its positive step.

Before moving onto the next step its important to make notes of all the abuse that you were subjected to. If possible, write down the date and the impact this had on you.

Along with the abuse notes, make sure to write down exactly why you are leaving the relationship. This can prevent you from being sucked back into a relationship with a narcissist at a later date.

Building a Foundation

Once the fog has cleared in your mind, its time to start rebuilding your life. But where do you start?

The best place to start is with your ex. Set some boundaries to protect yourself and allow space for healing. This can involve limiting contact, setting guidelines for communication, or more effectively, cutting off contact entirely.

Next you will want to fill the empty void that your ex left. You’ll want to make positive and long lasting choices here. Not quick fixes which will have a detrimental effect on the rest of your life. Positive changes can take time, but its worth it. Rome wasn’t build in a day, and neither will your foundation.

Foundations are made up of a supportive network of friends, family, healthy hobbies and a therapist.

Therapists are fundamental to healing and growing your foundation. They will validate, empathise and guide you throughout the healing process. Healing from a breakup requires individuals to process and express a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, grief, and loneliness. Its necessary to have someone you trust on your journey with you. A therapist can be obtained through a doctor or via a quick search on google.

Self Care

Time to start focusing on yourself and giving yourself what you need to promote healing.

To get out pent-up frustration you should engage in arts, sports, journaling or socialising within your support network.

To nurture your physical, mental and emotional well-being, you should practice meditation, exercise, time in nature, yoga etc.

Learning to look after yourself is an important step to healing. It will bring great joy and fulfilment to your life. By understanding what you need, and allowing yourself to have it, you will become less reliant on another for happiness. This can be something as simply as acknowledging how tired you are, and allowing yourself to go to bed early.

Rediscovery

The end of a relationship can have you questioning your sense of self and identity outside of the relationship. By practicing self-care and building your support network you will naturally rediscover one’s passions, interests and strengths.

Through this journey you will start to re-learn your personal values and aspirations. You will naturally become stronger, self reliant and less likely to jump into another unsuitable relationship.

In Summary

Closure and healing after a breakup involves acknowledging the end of the relationship, processing emotions and embracing new beginnings.

This time can be used as an opportunity for self-empowerment and self-discovery. By investing in yourself you will gain greater resilience, inner peace and emotional-well-being.

There is no better time to start creating a better future for yourself. You are worthy of love, and you are worth showing up for. You will thank yourself one day.